Cheers to fifty years
I turned fifty in June. Fifty! I’m pretty sure my younger self could barely imagine what that might be like, it being such a distant, far-off planet inhabited by women who looked like human walnuts with liver-spotted hands, folds of droopy skin and creaky knees.
I decided not to make a big deal out of it, and opted out of a big party. Instead I organised some small things – a weekend away in the Forest of Dean with my partner and our dog, a night out dancing in a field with girlfriends, a lunch with my family. My mum organised the most incredible cake, and it all felt very special. On my actual 50th birthday I went to work, and ended up having a boozy lunch with colleagues. The whole event was pretty much perfect, and I wouldn’t change the thing.
But actually, in the end turning fifty ended up being ALL about change. A big milestone birthday was an opportunity to take stock, reflect on what I’d achieved in the previous ten years, and think about how I wanted the next ten to be. Weirdly this is largely what I do as a marketing strategist, but I’ve yet to meet anyone in my profession who is good at doing for themselves what they are brilliant at doing for others. Complex organisational challenges? No problem. Sorting my own shit out? LOL.
But on this occasion I committed to the task and lifted all the rugs where I’d been brushing stuff for far too long. And then I beat the shit out of them and made some changes. Here’s how that went.
1) I got healthy
Unquestionably my biggest achievement of the year, and arguably the past decade. I came back from Eurovision in Liverpool in May feeling exhausted and overweight and unhealthy, and in my birthday month of June decided to stop wishing things were different and actually do something about it.
I’ve had a mixed relationship with exercise over the years, but the headline is that I absolutely hate being hot and sweaty and out of breath. I can handle a mountain hike where there’s a river to swim in at the end of it, but being beetroot-faced and coughing up a lung in the gym is my least favourite way to spend an hour. So I decided to hire a trainer and learn to lift weights instead, and honestly it’s the best thing ever. Six months later I have at least two abs, can leg press 200kg and I’ve lost 37lbs.
Just to be clear, the few hours I spend in the gym each week has helped me get strong and fit, but the weight loss has been about addressing some of my issues around food. And it turns out I have a whole HEAP of issues around food, including (but not limited to) sugar addiction, eating too quickly, having hang-ups around clearing my plate (which I suspect applies to a lot of people who grew up in the 80s and were told there were starving children in Africa who would be GLAD of that mountain of mashed potatoes). I also have a tendency to eat every one of my emotions. Sadness? Cheese. Tiredness? Biscuits. Stress? Chocolate. Boredom? Monster Munch. And with that comes the associated feelings of shame and eating in secret and…well – if you know, you know.
Anyway I took every shortcut going – using an app to track calories (Nutracheck is great), hiring a brilliant personal trainer (who, I won’t lie, I’ve given £2000 to over six months, but OMG it’s been worth every penny), using pre-calorie counted meal kit options like Hello Fresh and Green Chef to save time and re-set my relationship with healthy food. It has been a revelation in every possible way, and I’m fitter and stronger than I’ve been in probably three decades. Better late than never, eh?
2) I went hiking!
Not unrelated to the above, earlier in the year I’d decided that what I’d really like as a birthday present was a road trip through France to the Spanish Pyrenees to do some mountain walking. We went in early September, and it was an amazing ten days with lots of happy memories. But it also turns out that climbing mountains is considerably less onerous if you’ve lost twenty pounds and done about eight thousand squats in the few months beforehand. Who knew?
Anyway if you love walking and mountains and fancy a pretty budget holiday, I strongly recommend ten days AirBnB-ing your way through France, then climbing some Spanish mountains. We’re planning to go back next year, and I can’t wait.
3) I wrote another book!
Early this year I added two more books to my deal with Headline, one of which was largely written, but the other I hadn’t even started thinking about in June. My Editor gave me a Christmas deadline, which necessitated the creation of a spreadsheet so I’d commit to 7-10k words a week and get it done. In the end I finished it four weeks early because I’m Head Girl to the very end.
Anyway my fifth book Same Time Next Year is out on February 29th this year, and my as-yet-unnamed sixth book will be out in the autumn. What happens after that? I have no idea – well, maybe a small idea for a potential Book 7. But I really need to take a break first!
Incidentally, I’ve just realised that this is starting to feel like one of those round-robin newsletters your parents used to get at the end of the year, packed with humblebrags about the achievements of their children (Jocasta was DELIGHTED to be accepted into her first choice university – we won’t say which one as she thinks that will curse it, but let’s just say that Cambridge’s gain is Oxford’s loss, if you catch our drift!) Anyway I promise not to mention my kids, even though they’re both amazing.
4) I watched Strictly like a normal person
I wrote here in May about my decision to not liveblog Strictly for The Guardian this year. It was a tough one, and I didn’t know how I’d feel about it once the show started. But actually, it became apparent really quickly that it was the right decision – I was able to plough those hours into the book, and make it to Monday morning each week without feeling like a dried-out old husk.
Do I miss it? Yes, of course, it was a huge part of my life for thirteen years. But watching on my sofa with a mug of tea (or more often, on iPlayer on a Sunday morning), has allowed me to appreciate the show as brilliant light entertainment, rather than work. And I was also invited to join a WhatsApp group with friends who are fans, which has been a lot of fun. Thank you for all your lovely messages - it’s meant a lot, and I miss you too.
5) I changed my job!
For the past few years I’ve worked for a marketing agency in Bristol and it’s been amazing, but an opportunity arose to move to a much bigger agency in London and do what looks (on paper, at least), like a job that’s right made to measure. I’m two weeks in and getting to grips with everything, but early signs are very positive.
So that’s that, then. Turning fifty has turned out to be pretty momentous, for lots of reasons, and I’m now well into my 51st year feeling healthier, stronger and more mentally together than I have in decades. Long may it continue.